


it finally feels alright

by lacesonmydress



Series: Actually Here [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, Jungwoo's cause of hiatus in here is just a part of the story!, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, Please read part one of the series to understand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26104552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacesonmydress/pseuds/lacesonmydress
Summary: In which Jaehyun’s long, sluggish recovery process brought dents and bumps to their seemingly-perfect relationship.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Actually Here [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895266
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	it finally feels alright

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO EVERYONE.
> 
> It's been months since the last time I posted on AO3 because I kinda find it hard to write nowadays - but worry no more because I'm back with a one shot! This is a continuation of my previous story Actually Here, and you'd want to read that first to understand this better. That one was short, it will take you no time. 
> 
> I did as much research as I could but there might still be plotholes and inaccuracies so please forgive me for that ;_; and English is not my native language, so please excuse any grammatical errors. Please read the tags because apparently I put some important notes there. So here it is- a breath of fresh air as I'm still trying to finish my multichapter fic, I hope you enjoy it!

“One step at a time,” the young man said, his face lighting up in a smile. He has a small figure, but he’d always have a stable grip on his patients—including Jaehyun, who was obviously bigger than him.

Jaehyun tightened his grip on the parallel bar, eyeing Johnny on his side, who gave him a nod of reassurance. He heaved his body up with all his strength as Seonho, the therapist, landed a supporting hand on his back.

Jaehyun never thought there would come a time where he felt he shouldn’t take walking for granted. Merely walking was such a task to him right now—when just a few weeks before he was still dancing his heart out on the stage. Apparently the car’s airbag had inflated at the right time, but fortune wasn’t really at his side by then—his head collided with the side window so hard it busted, resulting in a neck and head injury. The trauma was blunt—he wasn’t even bleeding from his head, but the doctors had to cut his skull open in the emergency surgery. There was an ugly bald patch on his scalp, one side of his face was badly swollen for days and he had to learn to walk again now, but a lot of times, Jaehyun still considered himself lucky.

“Slowly,” Seonho encouraged him once again, as he tried to move his right leg to the front. He groaned under his breath. His whole body still felt like one big bruise, especially his right side, but the doctors deemed him fit for physiotherapy just three days ago. The first day of therapy had ended with him breaking down in Johnny’s arms, because he could barely make one step and realization hit him.

_Will I ever be able to dance again?_

_I promise you will,_ Johnny had said back then, his warm, big hands cradling Jaehyun’s frame gently. _I will make sure you get all the help you can to be back to your feet soon, Jaehyun-ah. And I will be there through it all._

The rest of the group activities were put on a temporary halt while the directors held hours-long meetings to adjust schedules here and there. Taeyong hadn’t been able to visit him much due to these meetings, but he was glad, beyond glad that Johnny stayed by his side as much as he could, just like now.

Johnny was watching him, watching him stumble and wobble around like a toddler but the smile on his face was always warm. He was always encouraging, reassuring, and Jaehyun didn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve him. Having someone like Johnny really kept his ground in the long, slow, and unfortunately, painful recovery process.

The smile on Johnny’s face grew even bigger as Jaehyun landed his first step, and proceeded for the second one.

“You’re doing great,” he muttered, always lingering right beside the parallel bars. His hands were always free from any belongings, always ready to catch Jaehyun if the latter swayed a bit too much.

He landed his second step, and sweat was already soaking through the brim of his beanie, but Seonho smiled his biggest smile ever with a high-pitched _good job!_ and Johnny looked like he was about to cry. The day ended after a few more sessions and Johnny patting the sweat on his forehead gently. His mother came later in the night, when Johnny had to get back to the dorms, but not before kissing him good night.

His life, used to be full of flashy lights and jam-packed schedules, came to a sudden halt without any need to pose and look good for the camera—and Jaehyun thought he could find a silver lining in all the predicaments that happened.

But it didn’t last long.

++

It was already his fifth session in the therapy, but he still couldn’t get past five steps with the walking bars.

“We have to be very patient in this kind of therapy, Jaehyun-ah,” Seonho remarked as Jaehyun flopped back down to the seat, frustrated. He tried so hard to keep it in but it must have showed.

“A lot of my patients took months to properly get back to their feet. But in the end, they’re able to live their lives like nothing ever happened.”

Jaehyun kept silent. He knew. Seonho told him that all the time, and his doctor had always reminded him to take things slowly and be patient. But as time went by, the lack of progress made him utterly anxious. The dream he was living in, the dream he worked so hard for, required him to be stable on his two feet. Was it going to be taken away?

“I’m a singer, Hyung,” Jaehyun muttered, his eyes casted down to the floor.

“An idol, at that.”

He played with his fingers nervously, but Johnny’s warm hands weren’t there to comfort him. The directors got their schedules sorted, and the members were being sent to individual and small group activities. Which meant, Johnny has got less time to be in the hospital.

“I know,” Seonho smiled, again. “I understand that fact, Jaehyun-ah. And you have to know, even though you can’t get past a few steps until today, your overall posture got better, and you put less strength on your arms, which is a very good improvement.”

Seonho was an optimistic man. He’s always positive all the time. Maybe he was trained for it, his positive nature was very much needed for his line of job. And Jaehyun had always liked his positivity.

But this time, he wished he would just shut up.

++

“Hey,” Johnny pushed open the door after three knocks, looking around the room to know if Jaehyun’s parents were present.

“I’m alone,” Jaehyun replied, shifting on his bed. “My parents can’t come today.”

“Ah,” Johnny smiled playfully as he placed his coat on the sofa. “Does that mean I have you all to myself tonight?”

Usually Jaehyun would laugh, or smirked back in return, inviting the older to lie down together on his bed. But this time, he heaved a sigh instead, turning his gaze towards the window.

“Is there something bothering you?” Johnny was suddenly already by his side, his hands snaking around his waist and enveloped him in an embrace.

“Nothing,” he answered shortly, “how’s the photoshoot?”

“It was fine. Taeyong ate it up.” Johnny inched forward to rest his chin gently on Jaehyun’s left shoulder, mindful of the healing injuries that still remained. “Come on, Jae. You know I can read you like an open book.”

Jaehyun exhaled heavily.

“It’s just… It’s just that—”

“This recovery journey is painfully long and so slow,” he uttered, “I… I find myself questioning myself again, Hyung. What if—what if I never got to heal, what if I can’t walk again? What if I—I can’t get back to dancing—”

A drop of tear fell from his eyes, followed by another, another, another. The walls of faith he built since the first day of therapy was beginning to crumble down, and he couldn’t help but tear up.

“Oh, baby,” Johnny face dug further onto the crook of his neck, trying to provide him comfort.

“I promise you’ll be alright,” he told him, “the doctors said you heal pretty fast, Jae, and it’s a very good sign. They said you’ll definitely return to normal life in the end, right? They assured you will sustain no to very minimal permanent injury and there’s nothing to be worried of about going back to stage. You only need to be patient and resilient in your therapies, because full, complete recovery will likely take a long time. That’s all we can do now.”

“… Please don’t rush yourself, Jae. I don’t want you getting hurt any further.”

Jaehyun kept quiet, his sobs turning to sniffles as he turned towards Johnny, circling his arms around the older’s frame. Johnny welcomed him, embracing him in a warm hug. His hand automatically reached for Jaehyun’s head, caressing it gently, aware of the patch of wound from his surgery.

“Why does this have to happen to me, Hyung?”

Johnny’s heart broke hearing the cracks in Jaehyun’s voice. The familiar anger bubbled back inside him—the very same rage he felt when he heard the news for the first time. The manager had to take Taeyong and him away from the other members, because Taeyong’s their leader, and everyone knew how scary Johnny was when he’s upset.

_There’s been an accident,_ the manager told them carefully, _the car with Yongjae and Jaehyun. They got into an accident on the highway._

_A sasaeng fan was involved._

Johnny operated on autopilot after that, because his mind and emotions took over his whole being. Shock, sorrow, worry, and most definitely, rage, bubbled uncontrollably inside him because—highway accidents were always nasty, and when they told him Jaehyun had to go in emergency surgery where they needed to cut his skull open—Johnny almost lost it. Taeyong was the one who held him back from running towards the police station and take it out on the woman.

“She’s going to pay for the things she did,” Johnny muttered, taking deep breaths to control his emotions. “I’m going to make sure she does. The company is finally doing their job this time.”

Jaehyun chuckled against his chest, and Johnny’s heart felt incredibly lighter hearing that. There has been a number of nasty accidents involving sasaeng fans and their seniors, but he’d never imagined it would happen to Jaehyun, his Jaehyun. All of them were back to stage in no time, but the psychological healing was a different story.

And Johnny promised he would be there through it all.

“Will you be there for me, Hyung?” Jaehyun asked, “even though I continuously waddle and wobble and break down in the middle of the night?”

“Of course, I will,” he replied, “I’ve been there for your ups, I have to be there for your downs, too.”

++

Turned out, words were always easier to say than do.

The directors managed to sort out their schedules with a lot of activities, and they became busier than expected. It was not as busy as when they’re in a complete group formation, but they have been in a situation where they’re short of one member, back when Jungwoo took his hiatus, and their schedules were still kinda packed. They’re lucky they were not in promotion period, though—or Johnny wouldn’t be able to squeeze visiting Jaehyun in his day-to-day schedule.

But seeing how the group managed to be just fine without him, Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel a little useless sometimes.

He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, since he didn’t want the members to be out of work just because of him, too. But they managed an eight-member formation, they nailed every interview, photoshoots, and youtube content, _as if he’d never been there in the first place_.

Today he managed ten steps in his therapy. Seonho kept saying he’s making great improvements, but his goal was to be back on stage and _dance_ , not struggling to make ten steps. His group already managed to be just fine. What if he couldn’t get back to dancing? Would he be kicked out of the group?

_Or maybe, he shouldn’t weigh them down and not come back at all?_

The knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, and Johnny’s head emerged from behind the door, followed by Jungwoo’s puppy smile. Their hair was still put in place with thick hairspray, but their faces bare, covered with face masks. They definitely came straightly from their schedules, only managed to clean their face without showering yet.

“Hey,” Jaehyun greeted Jungwoo, who put down a plastic bag on the overbed table and pulled it closer towards them. He untied the knot and the spicy smell of tteokbokki instantly filled the room.

“Wait,” Jaehyun chuckled, “I don’t think I’m supposed to eat this, but yet you brought this to eat here. Are you trying to escape the manager?”

“A few rice cakes and an egg won’t kill you, Hyung,” Jungwoo replied, stirring the red sauce with his chopsticks. “Besides, delicious food makes you happy, and if you’re happy, you heal faster from any disease.”

Jaehyun snorted hearing Jungwoo’s statement, but he’s right. Johnny was already feeding him a piece of rice cake, and he couldn’t help but hummed in satisfaction. Although his mom always brought him any food he craved, they’re always homemade, and restaurants-bought definitely taste better. Oh, the power of MSG.

_If you’re happy, you heal faster from any disease._

He chewed slowly, rethinking Jungwoo’s words. _You heal faster from any disease._ Were they urging him to heal quicker? That’s most definitely it. There might be things he didn’t know from the directors’ meeting. They might’ve had a comeback planned but now the plan was shattered because of him. That’s why they’re doing all sorts of things to make him heal as soon as possible.

“Jae, I can hear you thinking,” Johnny exclaimed, “what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” he answered, shaking his head lightly. _Nothing_. There it was, the automatic answer. He eyed Johnny and Jungwoo’s expression, the droop of their shoulders and the sleepy glint in their eyes. They must be tired, but they still landed themselves there.

“How’s today’s schedule?” he asked instead, trying to switch the topic.

“It was fun,” Jungwoo answered, “like, one of the most fun radio shows I’ve attended. After NCT Night Night, of course.”

Johnny laughed. “Oh God, we have to seal Yuta’s mouth next time. He almost exposed us in Weekly Idol, he almost did it too this time. Thankfully we have super-fast-reflexes Lee Haechan.”

Jungwoo cackled, clapping his hands like a seal.

“That lion is definitely wild. I gotta train him better next time.”

“Yeah, along with the baby tiger,” Johnny added, still laughing. “But I gotta admit today’s schedule is more tiring than the others.”

“Hmm,” Jungwoo nodded, agreeing. “I think it’s because we started so early in the morning.”

Jaehyun watched the conversation unfold before him. They got their own roles assigned to keep the group going. They were having fun, even without him. The bruised, broken peach that will just stink up the whole group.

“You don’t have to come if you’re tired, you know,” Jaehyun blurted out, “you should just sleep and get ready for tomorrow’s schedules.”

Maybe it’s the tone of Jaehyun’s voice, but Johnny and Jungwoo suddenly stopped moving their chopsticks. Jungwoo reached for his water bottle, swallowing before answering him.

“Of course not, Hyung, look at me energetically eating my midnight snacks,” he chuckled, but there was a tone of wariness in his voice. “Besides, I want to see how my roommate’s doing, and check if he’s healing well.”

“You guys were having fun,” Jaehyun exclaimed, “the group managed to be just fine without me. You should just go on, there’s no need to check on me.”

The air around them turned tense, and Johnny was beginning to clench his jaw. Jungwoo clasped his lips, eyeing Johnny’s expression.

“What are you saying, Hyung,” Jungwoo said, trying to ease the atmosphere. “The group managed to be fine without me, too, back then. But everyone waited for me and took care of me, so I’m here where I’m supposed to be. The same goes for you, Hyung. We will always wait for you and—”

“But you were in hiatus because you’re _willing to_ ,” Jaehyun snapped, “You were certain about your recovery and you could just hop back to your feet anytime you wanted to. I can’t fucking walk more than ten steps, Jungwoo. I don’t know if I can go back to dancing, and that’s fucking killing me.”

Jungwoo blinked, but everyone could see the hurt in his eyes.

“Yeah, right. I was on hiatus because I was _willing to_. I was _willing_ to have the anxiety, and all the physical symptomps it brought. I _wanted_ to.”

Jungwoo stated in return, and Jaehyun realized he just said something really, really wrong. He was opening his mouth, trying to say something but Jungwoo already excused himself out of the room.

“Jungwoo,” Johnny called out, trying to go after him but decided to stop mid-way.

“You’re being unnecessarily mean, Jae,” he said, “what’s happening to you?”

“I—I didn’t mean for it to be like that,” Jaehyun stuttered, “I—I’m just so frustrated, Hyung. All these things are getting into my head and I just—I can’t—”

He was beginning to tear up again.

“I just can’t stop worrying about the future, Hyung, _my future_. There are so many what-ifs in my head. What if I can’t walk again? What if I can walk, but I have to be supported for the rest of my life? What if—what if I can’t go back to dancing, and I can’t go back to the—to the group?”

Usually, Johnny would come to him and embrace him in a warm hug, comforting him until he stopped crying. But this time, he let out a heavy sigh.

“That was no reason to be mean to Jungwoo,” he said, “We’re all very much tired today, but Jungwoo wanted to come along because he wanted to see you. He initiated to buy snacks and eat together with you, because he knew how much you love food, and he thought it will make you happy. He didn’t come for you to snap at him like this, Jae.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer for a while, only staring into Johnny brown eyes for a moment. But then he looked away, casting his gaze towards the dark window.

“… I know,” he replied, “I just… I’m just such a mess right now.”

“Jae, let’s just… let’s just stop this pity-party for a while, okay?”

Jaehyun almost gasped hearing Johnny’s words, he whipped his head back towards him—to the point his newly-healed neck almost screamed in protest.

“ _Pity-party?_ ”

“Yeah, I mean—” he paused, “How many times do I have to remind you, that you’re going to heal just fine, Jae? It’s only been a month and a half! Nobody expects you to jump back right at your feet in only a month, Jae. The doctors had always told you that you’re going to be fine. The key is just to be patient with yourself! I said I want to support you and always be there for you, but you keep on listening to the thoughts in your head. You have to work for this too, Jae. I’m only human, and seeing you dwelling in your own thoughts without listening to me, I can only do so much. Please, please, Jae, just… just listen to me. I don’t know what else I can do to help you if you’re not helping yourself.”

Johnny released a heavy breath after his long speech. He loved Jaehyun with all his heart, that’s true, but he was only human. He knew Jaehyun was in his lowest point of his life, and he, too, have to be patient with the latter, but he couldn’t lie with the fact that Jaehyun’s constant grief burned him out as well. Jaehyun used to be his shoulder to lean on, the palm to reach for everytime they’re having a hard time—but now it was only Jaehyun leaning on him. And with the increasing schedule and lack of rest, it was getting harder to deal with his boyfriend.

Tears were welling back up in the younger’s eyes, and he looked away as his lips quivered. But Johnny stood tall on his ground. Jaehyun had to know this too, in order for him to heal completely. The constant groundless worry was going to affect his health as well.

“I—I want to be alone,” Jaehyun stammered, his voice breaking in the process. “Please—please just leave me alone.”

The younger was sobbing, but Johnny decided he shouldn’t say anything more. So he kept silent, picking up the remnants of their tteokbokki dinner alongside his coat, and left the room with a quiet click of the door.

++

Jaehyun truly didn’t know if he should try anymore.

His therapy journal was showing very slow, sluggish progress within the last week, and Seonho kept on asking if something was wrong. He always shook his head, saying everything was fine. His mother always asked where Johnny went because his boyfriend hadn’t show up in five days but Jaehyun brushed it off by saying he’s on busy schedule. He didn’t really reply to the group chat anymore, only thinking about how he could say sorry to Jungwoo with tears welling up in his eyes every night until he fell asleep.

But one afternoon, an unexpected knock resounded from his door.

Jaehyun quickly pushed himself up from his bed, as the door opened gently. It was definitely not Johnny, because the latter always pushed it open with gigantic power.

“Hi, Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen seeing the slim figure standing by the door.

“Wendy-noona?”

“How are you feeling?” Wendy walked in and placed the small basket of fruits by the bed, pulling the chair closer as she sat on it.

“Fine, I guess,” Jaehyun answered, still astonished to see someone so unexpected to visit him. “What brought you here, Noona?”

“Hmm, maybe just the need to check on a sad, injured little brother?” she smiled brightly, “because apparently I do really relate to your pain.”

Jaehyun blinked. How could he forget? Wendy was put into hiatus for freaking _eight months_ because of a stupid mistake that wasn’t even her fault—but it landed her in the hospital, going through the same therapies Jaehyun was doing.

“So, now, don’t lie and tell me how you actually feel,” she said, “because all that gloom is showing through your eyes right now.”

“I…” Jaehyun finally started, “I… feel like shit.”

Wendy nodded understandingly.

“I did feel like it, too.”

“You did?” he asked, “I thought I’m just being a bitch.”

Wendy laughed lightly. “Of course everyone will turn into a bitch if they’re put in the same situation with you, Jaehyun-ah,”

“There was even a point I stopped going on social media,” she continued, “We were just going to start promotion, Jae. I was just pretty much _very_ devastated.”

Jaehyun nodded. Wendy was even in a worse situation than he was—the girls were just going to start promoting a song that turned out to be a big hit with so many music shows wins. He couldn’t even imagine how big they would be if they actually did the promotion.

“There was just… this sadness everytime I saw them doing well without me,” Jaehyun continued, and she nodded again. “It feels like… they’re going to be just fine without me. All this uncertainty is killing me, Noona. I don’t know if I’m going to be okay. I… I hate this so much. Being confined to bed. It feels like I’m not doing my job.”

“I really, really understand,” she said, “I felt that too. Especially when Irene-unnie and Seulgi went on a sub-unit. They slayed it. I congratulated them, and I said they look really great even with just the two of them. But they said, the stage feels so empty, and it was not they wanted. They wanted the _five_ of us on stage.”

“I didn’t really believe her at first, because that’s definitely what they’d say to comfort me. But then I came back, after excruciatingly long eight months, and they cried upon seeing me, simply walking on my two feet. And that’s when I realized, I wasted my time worrying back then in hospital, because none of my worries were real.”

“You must’ve not wanting the boys halted their activities just because of you, right?”

“They’re keeping their work so they can keep the group alive while they wait for you,” she continued, “So that when you come back, you can continue without difficulty. It’s easy to lose fans these days, you know.”

She chuckled lightly, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but follow.

“And most importantly, they’re keeping their dreams alive,” she stated, “we’re all in here because of the same dream, Jaehyun-ah. Because without you, they wouldn’t be where they are now. It’s just that, we happened to meet a few bumps in our journey. Think of it as if you’re falling down right now. Your members are not running to leave you behind, but they’re running to reach to finish line and bring it closer to you.”

Jaehyun’s heart felt warm at Wendy’s statement. She’s right. They started together, and they promised to stay together. No one was going to leave him behind. They were working to live their dream, while at the same time, also helping him to be able to still live on his dream.

“I know almost everyone in your group, and I can say… Everyone is such a good person. Do yourself a favor by throwing away your unnecessary grief and worry when in the end, everything is going to be fine. It won’t do you and the people around you any good.”

“Especially that one person.”

++

Wendy stayed for some time more after that, and Jaehyun couldn’t feel any more grateful. It was as if the heavens sent the particularly right person in his lowest point, and it truly gave him strength. Seeing Wendy so healthy, stable on her feet and already practicing dance moves for their next comeback, really encouraged him to an extent.

So he gathered up the courage and pressed the call button to Jungwoo’s number.

_“Hello?”_

“Hi, Jungwoo,” he said, rather timidly.

_“Hey, Hyung! How are you?”_

Jaehyun felt like he was about to cry when he heard Jungwoo’s bright tone, as if nothing ever happened between them.

“I—I’m fine. It’s just that, I—” Jaehyun paused. “Woo, I’m really sorry about that night. I… I really didn’t mean it. I really didn’t mean to belittle all the things you went through. It’s just that I wasn’t in the right mind and—”

Jaehyun heaved a sigh, before continuing.

“… I’m sorry.”

The other line was silent, but then he could hear Jungwoo’s light chuckle, and Jaehyun’s heart went tenfold lighter than before.

 _“Don’t think about it, Hyung,”_ he said, _“It hurt, yes, but I understand the circumstances you’re currently in. It’s really hard to stay sane if I were you, Hyung, and I can say you’re doing such a great job.”_

A smile bloomed on Jaehyun’s lips. All his friends were such good people, he didn’t know how to thank them enough.

“Do you mind coming tonight? My parents can’t really come that often nowadays, it’s getting lonely…”

 _“Sure!”_ the cheerful voice replied from the other side, _“I’ll bring some snacks, Hyung, do you want to eat anything?”_

“I’ll go with anything—”

 _“Oh, Hyung,”_ Jungwoo cut in before he could finish his answer, _“I will come on one condition,”_

_“I’ll only come if Johnny-hyung wanted to, so for that, you have to land him a call. Seriously, Hyung. Even if I’m not coming, please just give him a call.”_

++

The knock he’d been waiting for finally arrived. Jungwoo entered with a beaming smile, a plastic bag in his hand, and followed by Mark’s adorable _Hyung!_ before Johnny entered in the end. Jaehyun still didn’t know how to act, he’s acting sheepishly here and there but Jungwoo and Mark endlessly teased him about it. Jungwoo said they shouldn’t really get into any more fight between each other or they’re going to end up as awkward bros in the _It’s Awkward but It’s Okay_ series on their youtube channel.

Johnny couldn’t really stop laughing after that, and they ended up throwing ten different scenarios of how it’d go if that really happened. Jaehyun cringed so much he felt his fingers were coming off, but seeing Johnny laughed endlessly because of his jokes just made his heart warm and full.

It was when finally Jungwoo and Mark excused themselves to get some drinks, but Jaehyun knew the boys did it intentionally so Jaehyun and Johnny could have some private time together.

“They really did it intentionally, didn’t they,” Johnny broke the silence. “This bottle of Cola is still half-full.”

“Of course they did,” Jaehyun answered, followed by a long silence. Johnny ended up chuckling.

“We have to stop doing this if we actually don’t want to end up on the series,” he said, “it’ll be just no fun because we knew too much about each other already.”

“It’ll be the most boring episode ever,” Jaehyun exclaimed, chuckling to himself.

“Wendy-noona told me about her visit,” Johnny paused, “and Jungwoo told me about your apology.”

“Yeah. I… I’m really grateful Wendy-noona came. She felt like… the right person at the right time.”

“She must’ve understood you in a very deep way,” Johnny smiled warmly. “I’m glad you talked to her, Jae. I’m sorry at times… I couldn’t really understand your pain.”

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Jaehyun encouraged himself to reach for Johnny’s hand, holding it tightly. “I can’t expect everyone to truly understand my position. Besides, you’ve always stayed by my side all these times, held me whenever I broke down and—and I can’t thank you enough for that. I… I’m sorry for being childish, Hyung.”

Johnny flashed another smile, before proceeding to envelop him in an embrace. Oh, how he missed this kind of times.

“I missed you, Hyung,”

“I missed you too, Jae. God, I love you so much. I felt like dying every night when we were not talking.”

“But I’m glad we got the short break to sort ourselves out like we did.”

“… Yeah. Maybe sometimes we needed that. I’m glad it was short, though.”

Johnny cupped Jaehyun’s face in his palm, landing a gentle peck on his forehead and his lips.

“Your hair is getting long, Jae,” he mentioned, “do you want me to cut it for you tomorrow?”

“That will be nice, Mr. Suh,” Jaehyun smiled his brightest smile, and it finally felt alright.

++

Johnny came early that evening, along with a hairdresser from their salon. Turned out Johnny had asked her to teach him how to cut hair, but the wig they practiced on became a dismantled mess, so he decided to just bring her along to cut Jaehyun’s hair. Jaehyun laughed his head off because _Hyung, I thought you actually can cut my hair!_ And Johnny replied with _No, dumbass, I was just trying to be romantic._ Jaehyun was grateful he brought her, though, instead of confiding in himself and snipped everything from his head.

Jaehyun was beyond happy with the result—it felt like he was ready for a comeback, minus the hair dye, and she managed to do it in such a way that covered the healing scar from his surgery. The hair in that area might never grow back, she said, but he could always come back to her to have his hair cut properly.

They practiced around the room after that, Jaehyun walking painfully slowly, but finally without support. He still swayed and wobble here and there, but he was walking, without support, only Johnny’s hands lingering around his waist without actually touching him. Johnny’s smile was as bright as the moon outside the window as he managed to walk across the room, and he still had a long way to go, but it already felt so great.

“Hyung, I have something to tell you,” Jaehyun exclaimed as he plopped down on his bed, wiping the beads of sweat on his forehead.

“Yeah?”

“Try to guess,” Jaehyun said playfully, “it’s such a good news.”

“Oh God, what is it?” Johnny was beginning to get giddy, as he sat beside Jaehyun, his eyes glimmering.

“Jae, come on, oh my God—oh, oh, are you finally getting discharged?”

Jaehyun grinned.

“Oh, is it? Is that the news?”

“Yes!” he couldn’t help but smile seeing Johnny’s mouth fell open in glee. “The doctors finally deemed me fit enough to continue therapy as an outpatient. I’ll be able to go home in two days max!”

“Oh, Jaehyunnie!”

He embraced him in a big, bear hug, as he kisses the top of Jaehyun’s head continuously.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!”

“I’ll be staying at my parents’, but I definitely will be able to visit the dorms! I miss everyone so much. I miss my turntable, even I miss dorm auntie’s food.”

“Auntie’s been cooking amazing dishes lately, Jae. Oh, why didn’t I bring them to you?”

“You’re so mean,” Jaehyun pouted. “I miss dorm auntie’s fruit. She’s always cut it the perfect size.”

Johnny rolled his eyes playfully. “Just say it if you want to eat some fruit,” he chuckled, “let’s see what Wendy’s fruit basket has.”

He walked towards the small fridge on the other side of the room, rummaging through the fruits Jaehyun’s mother had arranged inside.

“We have some apples, pears and oranges. What do you want, Jae?”

Johnny waited while selecting through the apples, but there’s no answer.

“Jae?”

He turned towards the bed, seeing Jaehyun staring towards the window, unblinking.

“Jaehyun? What fruit do you want?”

The latter still didn’t answer him, and Johnny was bewildered. He was definitely close enough for Jaehyun to hear him, but why the younger didn’t even respond?

“Jae?”

He got up and nudged Jaehyun’s shoulder, and finally the latter turned his head towards him, but Johnny sensed something wrong.

Jaehyun was looking up to him in utter confusion, and his gaze diverted around the room, looking unsure.

“Jaehyun-ah, are you okay?”

Jaehyun still didn’t answer, and he was blinking way too slow, as if trying to process his surroundings. But then he pushed himself to get up from the bed, and Johnny dropped the apple he was holding on to the mattress, his arms instinctively reaching out to support him. Jaehyun mumbled something intangible, and Johnny was trying to make out what he’s saying when suddenly Jaehyun’s knees buckled.

“Jaehyun? Jaehyun, oh no, what happened?”

Johnny desperately held the younger in his arms, kneeling on the floor as he tried to match Jaehyun’s weight. His body had suddenly gone stiff, all the muscles rigid—Johnny was trying to turn him over when he realized Jaehyun’s body was starting to convulse.

“Oh shit,” he cursed, trying so hard to remember the seizure first aid protocol he learned back in school in Chicago. He carefully lowered him to the floor, pushing everything on the floor that might harm him and quickly reached for a pillow, all the while slamming the emergency button frantically with his thumb. He proceeded to slip the pillow under Jaehyun’s head, protecting it from any injury when the door bursted open. A nurse barged inside, and upon seeing Jaehyun on the floor, she shouted incoherent words towards the corridor.

She took big strides towards them, and Johnny knew better than to interfere, so he quickly stepped out of the way before being asked to.

Seeing it from afar, it’s when realization hit him, that the scene unfolding before him was too frightening, felt too unreal to watch.

Two other nurses arrived after that, providing assistance. The first one who came had turned Jaehyun’s body to his side, preventing him to choke on anything—but his eyelids were still flickering and his whole body kept on spasming violently. The other nurse was getting the oxygen supply ready, and although Johnny wanted to scream at them to do something, he knew they were waiting for the seizure to come to a halt as the last one was keeping track of time on her watch.

_They were laughing together just minutes ago. They were talking, and suddenly Jaehyun is on the floor. What is happening?_

A thousand thoughts began to course through Johnny’s mind, his heart beating too fast from adrenaline and he didn’t realize tears were beginning to cloud his vision. He didn’t even realize he had stomped out of the room and plopped down on one of the chairs lining the wall.

He didn’t realize he was heaving his breath like he just ran a marathon, he didn’t even realize tears were already flowing down his cheeks like waterfall.

The worst scenarios were starting to crowd his mind, and he began to sob like a child, ignoring the nurses and visitors passing through the corridor. He was never a religious man, but he lowered his head and prayed to all the gods he knew just to keep Jaehyun safe.

_Please, God, don’t let anything bad happen to him. He’d had enough. I love him so much, God, please keep him safe. I beg You._

++

The doctors had decided to postpone Jaehyun’s discharge date.

They performed an MRI scan on him, but the doctors said it was common for head trauma patients to have seizures up to months after injury. They stopped anti-convulsants medications on him weeks ago because he was progressing very well and weren’t showing any abnormal brain activity. Thankfully the seizure only lasted for one minute and the latter woke up immediately, although severely disoriented—so nothing too severe should happen.

They had just celebrated Jaehyun’s upcoming discharge, but now he was back in bed, his parents huddled on his bedside—his hand clasped tight in his mother’s hold as the middle-aged woman occasionally wiped her wet eyes.

Johnny sat on the couch across Jaehyun’s bed, refusing to leave even though it’s already the wee hours of the night and he had a schedule tomorrow. The steady, rhythmical beep of the heart monitor almost lulled him to sleep, but he refused to close his eyes. What if something happened to Jaehyun while he was asleep?

Johnny almost laughed at the irony that some days ago he’d just yelled at his boyfriend to stop being anxious and get himself together, but tonight, he couldn’t stop the constant feeling of dread from clouding his mind.

Johnny shot up from his seat when Jaehyun stirred in his sleep, his eyes slowly fluttering open and his parents simultaneously scooted closer to him. His mother put a warm hand on her son’s forehead, caressing his hair gently.

“Hi,” Jaehyun’s mother exclaimed with a smile despite the tears brimming her eyes. “Hi, Jaehyunnie. It’s Eomma,”

Jaehyun’s eyes were glazed and bloodshot, his gaze full of utter confusion. He had fell back asleep shortly after the seizure, and the doctor warned them he might still be confused and disoriented by the time he woke up again, so they should be there for him.

“Jaehyun,” Johnny inched closer and reached for Jaehyun’s other hand, “you are okay. You’ll be safe.”

The younger didn’t reply, his eyes blinking slowly as he exchanged gazes towards Johnny and his parents. He looked like he was focusing on his breaths instead, as the way the mask clamped on his face fogged up with every huff of breath.

Johnny’s heart broke, because it felt like he was back to Jaehyun’s room in intensive care months ago, the first time he visited him after the accident. Jaehyun was very disoriented back then, too, asking for reassurance if Johnny was actually there with him and he was not dreaming—or worse, dead.

He shuddered at his own thoughts, and took a deep breath to calm himself. He couldn’t break down now right in front of Jaehyun’s parents, when they must be the ones who worry the latter’s wellbeing the most.

Johnny felt the fingers in his palm giving him a feeble squeeze, as if reassuring him that he’ll be alright. Jaehyun closed his eyes again, settling his head back against the pillow, as if trying to find a comfortable position—his father smiled at the view, and he mumbled how Jaehyun had always do that before drifting off to sleep, ever since he was little.

“You should go home, Youngho,” Mr. Jung said, “It’s been a long day. You should get some rest,”

Johnny decided to agree. The feeble squeeze Jaehyun gave him earlier might be nothing much, but it certainly gave him a kind of relief.

“Thank you for always staying with him, Youngho-ya,” Mrs. Jung said, getting up from her seat to give Johnny a warm hug. “We’ll stay the night. We will inform you if anything happens.”

Johnny almost winced, but he nodded. “He’s going to be fine,” he said, “I’m sure of it.”

Mrs. Jung nodded, patting Johnny’s shoulder gently. “He’s going to be fine.”

++

Johnny didn’t expect the living room to be so crowded when he came back.

Everyone was there, even including the tenth-floor residents. The TV was on, but it was at a very low volume, and no one was actually watching it. Taeyong was asleep on the couch, his arm dangling over—but the rest of the group moved by the time they heard the door click.

Johnny eyed every single one of them. Jungwoo and Doyoung’s eyes were bloodshot, even Donghyuck’s were still brimmed with tears. Yuta looked mad, but Johnny knew it was the expression he’d always wear whenever he’s upset or worried.

“How is he?” Taeil’s soft voice was the one who broke the silence. He reached for Johnny’s shoulder, rubbing comforting circles around his back.

“He’ll be—he’ll be alright,” Johnny stammered, “They said it was common for head trauma patients to have sudden seizures, but they performed an MRI just to make sure. They said he should be alright, though, considering it was short and he regained consciousness right away.”

He could hear the collective sigh of relief from the others, even Mark looked up to thank the Gods.

“Thank goodness,” Taeil smiled, “It must be really hard on you, Johnny. Have you eaten yet? Doyoung cooked soup for dinner earlier, we kept some for you.”

Johnny couldn’t bring himself to answer, as his lips quivered and tears were beginning to well up involuntarily. It felt as if all the adrenaline finally wore off, and all the exhaustion and feelings overwhelmed him at once.

Taeil didn’t say anything, but he reached up to enclose him in a hug despite their height differences. Johnny let his emotions loose as he cried on his older brother’s shoulder, feeling the warmth of Taeil’s embrace that everybody loved.

“I was—I was there, hyung, and I watched him collapse and I—I couldn’t do anything—” he sobbed, “it was so scary, hyung, I don’t—I don’t want to remember it.”

“It must’ve been really frightening,” Taeil said understandingly, “but what matters now is that he’s alright. You should know you’re not alone in this, Youngho. We’re all here are responsible for Jaehyun’s healing, and we want to help. We will do anything we can to help.”

Johnny almost bawled, but then he realized how pathetic he must’ve looked with tears and snot smearing his face. But when he looked up, the rest of the members had enveloped him in a group hug, even including Taeyong who was out in the dreamland—and finally Johnny agreed, that everything will be alright, and he, Jaehyun, and everyone—would always get each other’s backs.

++

Things went particularly easier after that—still with some predicaments here and there, but nothing they couldn’t work out together. There was a little fear in Johnny’s heart that almost prevented him from visiting Jaehyun after the particularly terrifying day—he felt like he couldn’t go inside the hospital room and getting the scene playing again in his head. But Taeil and Donghyuck grabbed his arm and linked it with theirs, practically dragging him there. Johnny was glad he followed through, though, because they were greeted by a smiley, beaming Jaehyun, his cheeks full of apples. He even joked, saying he finally got to eat the fruit he wanted, because that night, he was actually craving for apples.

Johnny was ready to put on a grim expression, but Jaehyun looked so fine, so well, that he finally let out a chuckle. Later that night, Jaehyun cupped Johnny’s face in his palm, whispering _Hyung, look at me_ , as he reached for Johnny’s hands, placing them on his warm cheeks.

It didn’t take long for Johnny to realize he was asking him to feel through his features. The crinkle around his nose when he smiled, the deep dimples on his cheeks, every indentation of his face—everything felt so warm, so real, so _alright_.

_I’m sorry I scared you, Hyung_ , he had said, _but I’m here, and I’m alright—so everything will definitely be alright._

Johnny enclosed the space between them into a kiss afterwards and he was glad because Jaehyun’s scar had healed completely and he didn’t really have to be extra aware of it, since the kiss turned deeper and more passionate.

They stopped themselves before going too far, too afraid anyone would catch them red-handed—but a few days later after Jaehyun got discharged, he stayed the night in Johnny’s room, with Donghyuck being considerate enough to flee to Jungwoo’s without being asked to.

Everything was still far from normal, but it still felt perfect.

++

The backstage was crowded, just like how any award shows would be. Artists from every entertainment companies, generations, and genre were there, and it was always a great opportunity to build relations and connections.

But Jaehyun finally managed to bump into someone he’d been dying to meet.

“Wendy-noona!” he called. The blob of platinum blonde hair turned around, waving towards him and urged the other girls to go first.

“Hi, Jae!” she exclaimed, always cheerful as ever. “How are you? Doing great?”

“Better than I’ve ever been,” he said, wittingly stomping on his two feet, earning a laugh from Wendy.

“I really want to thank you, Noona,” he continued, “without you, I think I really won’t be back here.”

“I’m really glad I could help,” she smiled, “but you should thank yourself too, Jaehyun-ah. For still having that fighting spirit in you, and for never giving up. Because in the end, that’s the one that pushed you through.”

Jaehyun returned the smile, but someone was calling him, only to find his own manager, also already healed fully and back to work alongside the group.

“I think I have to go back inside,” he said as he flashed an okay sign to him, “Let’s always support each other, Noona.”

“Yeah, of course!” she balled her fist excitedly, “let’s see which one of us gets the most award tonight.”

Jaehyun laughed, waving as he walked back to the waiting room. The staff were already calling to get them ready for their stage, and Jaehyun instantly felt giddy—it’s his first comeback stage, after all.

But then someone reached for his hand, giving a comforting squeeze, only to look up to his boyfriend’s warm smile. He looked around him to find his members, everyone giving him assuring looks, and everything was finally alright.

++

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it feels too fast-paced but I wanted to fit it into a one shot. Can't burden myself with another multichapter HAHAHA.
> 
> Please let me know what you think via the comments below, and kudos will be very much appreciated ;_;
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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